Leadership Team Voices: Dane

I’m not gay, I just like boys.

By Dane Buchholz, IPN Leadership Team Member and Board Secretary

Yes, by most people’s definition, I am gay. I am a boy who is attracted to boys, but what I mean when I say I am not gay is that I don’t fit all of the gay stereotypes. Speaking generally, if you ask someone what it means to be gay they would likely think of pride parades and sex. Why does this have to be our stereotype though? This is why the word gay has such a connotation, and maybe even partly why it is used as slang.

It is important to be able to express yourself and be the unique person you are, and I am not suggesting that we should all conform to the same boring stereotypes and live in the suburbs with 2 kids and a dog. What I am saying is that I know I’m not alone in being a “straight” gay person. I don’t go to pride festivals or parades simply because that is not my identity. To me, being gay is purely about loving another person who just so happens to be male. I don’t wear leather pants everywhere I go, I don’t have rainbow dyed hair, I try not to draw attention to my sexual identity. I’m Dane, and that is my identity.

I think if everyone could look past the gay stereotypes that have been created and see that there are “normal” gay people as well, we would have a much easier fight towards equality. There are plenty of people out there who argue against equality only because of the stereotypes that are portrayed. From my experience, the single most important step to accepting the LGBT community is when people find out someone that they know is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. This is because they realize that this person is still the exact same person they knew and accepted before, and it helps them see that there can be other LGBT people like their friend or family member.

The most important part is just to be yourself. No matter what that self is. The LGBT community is just as diverse as any other group of people, and we need to let that be seen. Let’s stop the stereotypes by showing people that we don’t all fit them.

Dane Buchholz is a student at Iowa State University studying architecture. He has been a part of IPN since he started the Waverly-Shell Rock High School GSA in 2009. In addition to serving on the Iowa Pride Network Leadership Team and as the Secretary of the Board of Directors, he is a peer mentor for the Hixson Scholarship program at ISU. When he's not busy working or doing school work, he enjoys music, photography, drawing, and working with computers.

IPN Outreach Coordinator to serve as Midwest Representative for the National Association of GSA Networks

  

I am incredibly honored and excited to represent the Midwest states as a recently nominated member of the National Association of GSA Networks’ (NAGN) Steering Committee. The NAGN is coordinated by GSA Network in California and its goal is to support the growth of the GSA movement by connecting state and regional GSA networks. Iowa Pride Network has been a member of the NAGN since its inception in 2005 and I’m eager to both work within the Midwestern region and to provide input and direction for the National Association. 

The NAGN provides support to GSA organizations by coordinating monthly conference calls, organizing an annual National Gathering for staff and student representatives, and managing on online listserve where state organizations can communicate about the issues and needs of the GSA movement. Currently, there are 35 state organizations (+ Washington, DC) that are part of the National Network and as the Midwest Representative, I will be representing Iowa Pride Network, Wisconsin’s Gay Straight Alliance for Safe Schools (GSAFE), Illinois GSA Network, Ohio’s Kaleidoscope Youth Center, Missouri GSA Network, Minnesota’s Out for Good and the Indiana Youth Group. 

As the Midwest Representative, my role is as follows: I will participate in Steering Committee conference calls to provide ideas regarding the direction of and changes within the national network; I will offer input for the monthly NAGN conference call programming; I will help plan the National Gathering; I will coordinate among the Midwestern states; and finally, I will serve as the Chair of the Outreach & Expansion Committee. This committee will reach out to and recruit state GSA Networks that are not yet a part of the NAGN. As an organizer for National GSA Day, I am in a unique position to reach out to GSA Day partner organizations that have not yet joined the NAGN. With other members of this committee, I look forward to growing the National GSA Movement!

I will be taking many ideas and concerns to the National Association of GSA Networks, so please contact me if you would like to provide any input. I look forward to working with you and representing this great Midwestern Region! 

dana

Dana Stuehling, Outreach Coordinator

dana@iowapridenetwork.org/515-471-8063

Leadership Team Voices: Tristan

Sexual Orientation and Coming Out

By Tristan Paulus, IPN Leadership Team Member

     Discovering that you may have feeling for the same sex can be a frightening and confusing time, you don't really know what’s going on, and your mind pulls you in many different ways. I know that when I first had feelings for other males, I was very confused and denied it right away, passing it off as a phase. When you first get that feeling, it’s weird, you feel out of place and alone, you feel like your world has been turned upside down, you question yourself: “Is it okay?” “Are there others like me?” “Is it normal?” I’m here to say yes- it is okay to feel like this. You may deny it right away, you may feel uncomfortable and just want to go back to liking the opposite gender, but you won’t, you will learn to live with it, you will get used to it in time, and you may even start to feel pride and enjoyment in the fact that you’re different.

     As of today there are several different orientations that are used to label who you like. They are: homosexual- liking the same sex; heterosexual-liking the opposite sex; bisexual-liking both sexes; pansexual-liking both sexes regardless of gender or gender identity; asexual-not liking any sex, or being non-romantically attracted. Remember though these are just guidelines, you should feel free to like whoever you do, and shouldn't be held back by a label.

     Statistics show that 4% of the United States population is gay, bisexual, or lesbian. Now four may seem like a small amount but when you apply that number to the total population, it shows that nearly 9,000,000 Americans are LGBT, 9 million, that is a huge number, and it means you have friends out there, you just have to look. Even though being LGBT has become more mainstream and accepted, some families have issues about members of their family being gay; it can range from religious views to personal or political belief. But even if your family is against homosexuality, you can still come out to them, be strong, be proud, and stay true to yourself. And if something occurs there are countless organizations set up to help you if you feel confused, depressed, or worried about being gay. Organizations such as: Iowa Pride Network, GLSEN, The Trevor Project, and many others. There are also many organizations out there to help support you during and after the dilemma of “coming out” or telling people about your LGBT identity.  Some local ones are: Iowa Pride Network, The Trevor Project, and PFLAG. 

     Now you may feel as though you have to come out as soon as possible. Do not think that, and instead come out at your own speed. Even telling one person can be a huge achievement, so don't feel pressured into telling everyone at once. When I came out, I told my entire first period class that “I like boys,” and by third period I was the talk of the class, I was bombarded by questions, and people would laugh at me, and avoid my gaze. Now remember I live in a small town, and both my aunt and grandma work at the school, so the news traveled down the grapevine to my mother, she asked me if I was and I denied it. I ended up leaving her a note while I went on vacation saying “I’m Gay.” So take it at your own pace, unless you want to be pulled out of the closet. 

Tristan Paulus is a senior at Rudd-Rockford-Marble Rock High School and the president and a member of Iowa Pride Network's Leadership Team. Tristan started the GSA at his high school in an effort to educate the community and provide support to other LGBT students. After graduating, Tristan hopes to study biology and theater at Iowa State University and become an LGBT rights activist.

IPN Named Iowa Civil Rights Award Winner

2012 Friends of Iowa Civil Rights Awards will be presented to the African American Museum of Iowa, Chrysalis and the Iowa Pride Network during the 17th Annual Friends of Iowa Civil Rights Award Luncheon. The inaugural Friends of Iowa Civil Rights Lifetime Achievement Award will be awarded to Elizabeth Kruidenier posthumously.

The African American Museum of Iowa is a statewide resource based in Cedar Rapids for education on African American history and showcases contributions of the African American legacy to the cultural life of Iowa.

Chrysalis addresses needs of girls and women in the Greater Des Moines area. Chrysalis promotes increased investment in girls and women, raises awareness about their issues and potential, and develops them as leaders and philanthropists.

The Iowa Pride Network works directly with students, helping empower them to start and enhance Gay-Straight Alliance’s in their high schools and colleges, while building a statewide network that offers support, mentoring, educational, advocacy and networking opportunities.

Elizabeth Kruidenier was a lifetime advocate of civil rights in Iowa. Kruidenier entered Drake Law School at age 42, graduated in 1973 and in the 1980s became a senior partner in a law firm with Alfredo Parrish. She was a founding member of the Iowa Civil Rights Commission and has worked with the League of Women Voters, Planned Parenthood, the National Organization for Women and many other groups. Kruidenier died in October 2011.

The 2012 Friends of Iowa Civil Rights Awards Luncheon is Friday, October 26th from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm at the Community Choice Credit Union Convention Center at the Iowa Event Center in Downtown Des Moines, Iowa. Tickets for the luncheon are available until October 19th by contacting Alice Vinsand at 515-225-1051 or by e-mail alice@avinsandinc.com.

IPN Staff Respond to Hate Crime in Lincoln, NE

This past Sunday, a vigil was organized in Lincoln, NE for a woman who was assaulted during a hate-motivated attack. Hundreds attended. Reports state that three men entered her home, bound her wrists and ankles, and carved homophobic words onto her body. They then doused the room with gasoline and set it on fire. The woman was able to escape and found her way to a neighbor’s house, naked and bleeding.

While we have seen a dramatic shift in the public consciousness regarding lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people and their rights during these past few years, this is a harsh reminder of the hate that still exists. These crimes, fueled by hate and bias, send a message to the LGBT community and remind us of the work that is yet to be done.

From physical violence to anti-gay slurs shouted in schools, these actions are an assault on the entire LGBT community. As more details about the attack are released, we hope that this knowledge will inspire Iowans to create schools and communities that are truly supportive of LGBT people and families.

We are shocked and saddened by the account of such extreme violence and we can only hope that this woman’s physical and emotional wounds heal quickly. Our thoughts and prayers are with this woman and her family.

Ryan Roemerman, Executive Director

Dana Stuehling, Outreach Coordinator

IPN Student Testifies at Harkin Hearing on Bullying

HARKIN HEARING ON BULLYING:

IOWA PRIDE NETWORK STUDENT TESTIFIES

Des Moines, Iowa– June 8 – Iowa Pride Network Leadership Team member Liz Sederquist testified today at Senator Tom Harkin’s (D-IA) field hearing of the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions (HELP) Committee, which he chairs, at Des Moines East High School. The hearing explored the growing national concern over bullying in schools.

Sederquist is currently a student at Des Moines Area Community College, after dropping out of Gilbert High School due to pervasive bullying and harassment.

In her testimony, Sederquist shared that after being “outed” as a lesbian at school; students vandalized her car and would often verbally harass her. Staff rarely intervened.

“I developed anxiety, stomach issues, and depression. I just didn’t want to go to school. I didn’t want to go and have faculty not pay attention to me, and no one handling the bullying problem.”

Sederquist made clear that there are steps schools can take to make life better for students; pointing to on-going trainings for teachers, ensuring schools follow Iowa’s Safe Schools Law and encouraging the formation of student clubs called gay-straight alliances.

“Students shouldn’t have to worry about being judged on how they present their gender or sexual orientation,” said Sederquist, adding that, “I hope through this testimony that schools will realize that not providing a safe and supportive environment does affect students and their ability to learn.”

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About Iowa Pride Network
Iowa Pride Network empowers students to fight bullying, homophobia, transphobia and hate in high schools and colleges by supporting gay-straight alliance (GSA) clubs and providing leadership opportunities and organizing projects centered on social justice.

Thank you, Mr. President, and Malia and Sasha!

Iowa Pride Network is thrilled to have President Obama vocalize his support for marriage equality. It’s a big moment for the LGBT community—especially for young LGBT people and their allies.  

Knowing the President believes that they should be treated equally and that their relationships are just as important helps young people envision a world that is more just and the courage to make it a reality.

A key part of the President’s personal story has been the influence his two girls, Sasha and Malia, have had in helping him understand how fundamental equal marriage is to a fair and just society.

It is yet another example of how important young people are in influencing national dialogue and how powerful their voices can be.

Everyday, young people are changing the world. Thank you Malia and Sasha!